Fueling up for life’s challenges
The Energy Game
Hello friends,
January has been rough. I feel like I am in a video game where fireballs and boulders are being thrown at me from all directions. Each time I get hit my avatar shrinks and loses power. If I don’t start collecting gold coins, I am not going to make it to the next level.
In reality, these gold coins are moments of awe, kindness, beauty, humor, joy, serenity, etc. When things are not going well, whether that’s in the world or our relationships, we get consumed by what’s going wrong and overlook what’s going well.
One of the first interventions with a struggling couple is to start increasing positive interactions. It may seem counterintuitive to try and “play nice” while there is unresolved hurt and frustration, but I know that the couple is about to set out on a journey of growth and healing and if they don’t know how to gain energy and replenish their life force, then the obstacles ahead are going to knock them down.
If your avatar went on their journey with the hope that they would just run into gold coins, they would lose quickly. They need to swerve, jump, and race towards them. There are endless ways to start collecting coins.
Here are a few tips:
Start with awareness. Be on the lookout for silly, curious and lovely things around you. Did your partner bring you a cup of coffee? Don’t let that go unnoticed.
When you find something that catches your attention, see if you can hold your attention there for a moment longer. The longer you hold it, the longer you get to experience joy, pleasure, or awe. Over a lifetime, that will add up.
Make a ritual around noting these things, so it becomes habit. Some people have a gratitude journal. Some people have a Rose, Bud, Thorn activity during dinner.
In relationships you’re on this adventure with other people. To get the energy to make it through the hardships, it’s essential to know how to give and receive gold coins.
For example, spend 10 minutes a day with your sweetie without talking about logistics. This means there is no talk about childcare pickups and drop offs, looking at the schedule for the week, etc. It could be walking the dog together in the evening and asking each other about the day. It could be lounging on the couch and giving a foot rub.
The key is to give and receive thoughtfulness and presence. Listen as the other person tells you about their day. Getting someone’s undivided attention is a jackpot of gold coins. Grab those coins and make sure you don’t criticize the other person’s effort. That’s a fireball that will surely zap some energy.
I know life is not a video game. The challenges in our world, our relationships, and with our health and well being are real and heavy. My hope is that the image of being in a video game is a tool for managing these challenges. If you can visualize yourself as dodging the fireballs and grabbing gold coins, maybe you will feel less guilty for experiencing joy and more resourced for the challenges. Everyone here is on the quest for love and connection and we don’t get to stop the journey we just learn how to navigate to the next level.
With loving support,
Mallory