Is Work Sucking the Life Out of Me?
Hello friends,
In a search for inspiration for this month’s newsletter, I listened to a wonderful interview entitled When Work Stress Impacts the Relationship with Guy Winch on The Couple Therapist Couch podcast. (See recommendations section for more on this podcast.) I learned about the insidious way work infiltrates our bodies and our relationships. Winch refers to work stress as “hijacking” our lives. He uses the term hijacking because ruminating about work is not a choice we are making. Even with the best of intentions to not bring work home, it can feel like it is out of our control to just turn off our work thoughts. We need more than intention; we need practices and rituals to unplug from work and recharge to enliven ourselves.
Work stress puts us in a state of fight/flight/freeze which can carry over into our home life. Work stress might be saving lives at an ER, but it can also look like struggles with co-workers, financial concerns, demanding customers, and uncertainty. Those stressors are persistent, they stay present throughout the day, weeks, and months.
Bringing that energy home prolongs the stress response in your body and can impact the people around you. You may come home tired, distracted and checked out, or irritable and short-tempered. We can feel like a shell of our old selves.
You can manage work stress in three ways.
Discharge stress throughout work to complete the stress cycle.
Create boundaries to contain work from seeping into other parts of our lives.
Do things to recharge our energy and sense of self.
One common way people take breaks at work is by scrolling on their phone. While it is distracting, it may be reactivating the nervous system if they are reading the news or looking at social media. In the podcast, Winch gives suggestions for what to do on breaks and how to recharge at home for all different personalities, time frames, and situations. I’m drawn to his suggestions around using music mark boundaries and get out of head.
Winch asks people to think about what they used to do for joy. Did they play sports or an instrument, create something, hang out with friends, etc? Reconnecting, even in small ways, to the things that you enjoy will bring back energy and a sense of self that can get lost in the drudgery of work and family obligations.
Early in my coaching career, I was struggling with replaying sessions over and over in my head. What could I have done differently? What should I do next time? I was losing sleep over it. I asked a seasoned therapist how she managed the emotional load of being with people during challenging times. She shared that when she started her career, she had a ritual at the end of the day where she visualized all the stories and emotions from the clients being released into her chair. They were being lovingly held in the office and not in her mind. While I have fallen out of practice with that ritual, this podcast reminded me of the importance of it. What have you done in the past that helped with your work/life balance that has fallen out of practice?
If adding another thing to your plate feels impossible, I get it. Give yourself some grace. Listen to the podcast and think about what would feel good if you had the time and plant little seeds. Who knows what will grow in that creative and loving mind of yours?
With loving support,
Mallory
Recommendation: The Couples Therapist Couch podcast is geared towards therapists and coaches yet useful and digestible to anyone wanting to learn more about relationships. It is a treasure trove of expert interviews, and insight into every topic imaginable.